I recently had a very intense conversation with my partner. I was explaining to him challenges I’ve been through in the past. One challenge got me so emotional I broke down the minute I started talking about it.
When I started doing music an old acquaintance gave me one condition, I needed to lose weight. He was specific and said that it needed to be lost mostly around my waist, the rest can remain. Coming to think about it now, that was the most ignorant thing ever said to me but I was desperate, had no choice and he was my only link to the one thing I needed to do to bring myself back to life. Now, I have been a plus size girl all my life. That’s my body type and I am completely proud. I’ve lost weight many times and I’ve gained it back. I try to be healthy not only physically but mentally and spiritually as well. I have healthy and unhealthy days. I learnt how to find the balance because again I cannot be ignorant and not take care of myself.
I am not an expert on body language but I see so many young girls insecure about their bodies. When they sit down you can see them hiding their stomachs or constantly pulling their tops down to hide parts of their bodies. I have been that girl, I know how it feels. Being told I had to lose weight in order to do music was heart breaking. I cut out meat, bread and all kinds of sugar. I was lifting weights like a crazy person and trust me I lost weight. One day as I was working out I injured my back. That was the moment I realized that I was messing around with my body. I couldn’t walk, I was crawling from one place to another. Well most would say I had the wrong form when lifting and yes I did however I was not consuming enough calories hence did not have the strength to lift. Being home for two weeks on the floor in excruciating pain was an eye opener. I had to take a few weeks off and immediately went back to eating meat (Hallelujah!!!) and everything else that isn’t necessarily bad for your health. As for my old acquaintance, it has been a year since we last spoke.
I am completely in love with my body. I wear short dresses when I want to, shorts, jumpsuits you name it. I will rock that item of clothing like it was made for me. How did I get here? I just shut out the noise. I love myself wholly. I have my moments of course but this is my body, it is the body my soul chose. I love it, cherish it and keep it. It’s the first thing owned when I was born.
When it comes to relationships guess what? Men have different tastes. People are attracted to different attributes. I love dark skin, always have, always will. There’s a moment I felt too small for some guy because he loved his women completely thick. There’s no winning here!!! Whoever you choose to love you needs to love you as you are. Yes we choose who loves us.
Everything comes from within you just need to quiet the noise and listen to your soul. Don’t neglect what it says. There’s no destination when it comes to self-love, it’s a continuous journey but you need to get on that path. Every stage in your life has its challenges. As I turn 30 I vow to completely doll myself up till my last day. No matter what my body looks like. Things will change but keep changing with them. Most importantly be healthy and find out what it means to be healthy to you.
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